I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
