"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
