Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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