You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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