her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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