Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
