I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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