So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
