What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
