it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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