her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
