Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
