he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
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I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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