yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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