ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
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