you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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