I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
