I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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