Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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