His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
