Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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