so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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