I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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