you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
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How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
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Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do