I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN