So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.