Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
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i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
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(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.