you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
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shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
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I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic