At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
