Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.