drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
