Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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