I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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