i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
