My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
