Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
