Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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