My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
