loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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