I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Randomize
