we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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