he wants to bone in the snuggie
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
