In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
