matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
