Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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