hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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