All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
