This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
