When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
