I skipped work to stalk him.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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