So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
