Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
