I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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