Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I forget how to act sober
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
