i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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