i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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