I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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