I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
