So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
