I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
