thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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