Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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