Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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