She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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