We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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