Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
