Someone shit on the floor
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
