I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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