When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
