I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
