he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
