Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
