youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
