Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
