I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
