Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
