Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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