But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
