I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
