I am full of burrito and curiosity
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
