I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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