Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
